Tuesday, August 24, 2010

"It's about damn time" :)

So here is my update, I know I know, I was supposed to get this done a long time ago, but my life has been crazy lately and it has been hard to find the time to just sit and write...(uh type :) any hoo...

So for the past 3 months or so I have been working at Papyrus in the Providence Place Mall. I really like my job, it pays ok and my co-workers are nice. John's sister got me the job. She works there during her summer breaks from college. The job is very demanding especially now with the holidays coming up, and I'm still new so I have been a bit stressed but I still love it and want to try harder to stay on the ball.

Things have been good at home. I have been moving around so much my whole life, so the idea of settling in somewhere is a bit strange and I am not used to it yet. Both John and I have been a bit stressed lately with work and school and money and just finding the time to just hang out together, I think we both need a vacation. :) So just like any relationship we have our issues but we are committed to working them out and planning for the future. He is a wonderful man, and we love each other very much.

So about 2 months after school started I had a really bad emotional break down. I had an issue completing my final assignment for orientation and when I realized I wouldn't get it done on time, and I would have to give an oral presentation based on incomplete work, I freaked. The day before the presentation I was so nervous and so disappointed in myself, I cried out side of the building and couldn't stop. Just the thought of going back to class was making me feel physically sick. I was not sleeping and staying up till 3 and sometimes 4 am trying to study just to catch up, but that was making things worse. After that I started to loose my confidence. I held on for a while longer and forced myself through my last few classes, but the stress was too much. I had another breakdown not too long ago (this one much much worse and it was very scary) and decided to get help. I have been doing ok, but all the stress and anxiety is still there under the surface, and to be honest I am not sure I will be able to handle myself if it happens again. I have always know I needed counseling but never had the means to get it. So now I am meeting with a therapist once a week and things are starting to make more sense. Like I said the anxiety and the stress is still there but I am learning to deal with it and work through it rather than trying to ignore it. So as of now I won't be going back to school.I was going to go back in January, but I need to learn to rebuild my confidence and figure out a little more about myself before I take on the responsibility of college. Education is a journey, but for the first time I have the opportunity to explore myself and journey into a better me, and I don't want to miss out on that. The better I am, the better I will do in school.

So that is it for now, I will try to get better at keeping in touch but I will not make any promises, you all have my number if you want to call and I will be sending out holiday cards soon. I love you all and please comment, I could use some positive encouragement right now.

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